Some of the commenters I know; some I don't. Some I am able to get in touch with personally; some I am not. I rarely respond to comments directly on this blog, because, to be honest, this blog is not a dialogue - it's my space for venting the feelings and thoughts that build up and need to be released somewhere, as well as the things I might in previous days and years have been able to share with Jerry, but now no longer can. If there are readers who find my posts interesting, either because they know and care about me or because something in them has drawn their attention, that's a wonderful bonus for me. And for some of you this blog is my way of keeping you up to date on what's happening with me without my having to repeat it many times, which right now, in my current state, is a good thing for me. And if things come up in the comments that I feel the need or desire to respond to, most often, as most commenters will probably know, I do it in a personal e-mail. If you're an anonymous poster with no way of being contacted, obviously you won't be receiving a response from me.
Some of the comments that have been posted in recent weeks have ended up in my spam folder (possibly my spam filters know me better than I would have guessed) and I only just found them. And I'd like to point out some of the types of things that will generally prevent a comment from going through to the blog:
1) "Advice" that comes in the form of prescription.
2) "Advice" that is based on the assumption that my entire way of looking at the world (or what a commenter can glean of it through what I write on this blog) is fundamentally flawed and incorrect and must be changed.
3) Obnoxiousness. As defined by me. Possibly the commenter doesn't mean to be obnoxious, but in general, if I find the comment obnoxious, if my reaction is anger, it's not going through.
4) Condescension. Again, as defined by me. Because of the following:
5) Failure to understand that THIS BLOG IS ABOUT ME. I make no apologies for the fact that this blog is fundamentally, oh, what's that word that I always have to look up because I can never remember what it means - solipsistic? I think the word means what I think it means. I.e., it's ALL ABOUT ME. I understand, I really do, that being entirely self-focused and paying more attention to your own concerns than to anyone else's isn't generally considered a good way to be in the world. And I like to hope that in most circumstances, that's not the way I am. But in these circumstances? Yeah, that's the way I am. In this past year I have watched the love of my life suffer through hell and then die. And now, where my happy life of the past 11 years was, there's a huge empty Jerry-shaped hole and an overwhelming tidal wave of decisions to be made and changes to occur. My entire existence has been uprooted emotionally, and soon enough it will be physically too. And that's an awful lot to handle. This blog is the place where I dump all the things I'm feeling, no matter how selfish, no matter how inappropriate, no matter how... solipsistic. (I think I mean that.)
6) Prescriptive, condescending, obnoxious advice that makes assumptions about me, my actions, my feelings, my way of looking at and being in the world. And that doesn't strike me as kind. And/or is way, way, way too personal. (I know: this is a blog in which I've talked about my uterus. Still, I decide what personal stuff I want posted here.)
That's pretty much all I want to say about this for now. If you're reading this and thinking I'm referring to you, whoever you are, and thinking I'm ungrateful or misunderstanding or taking something the wrong way or in denial or missing the point or just totally fucking wrong, well... sorry. Here's the thing, though: this blog? It's all about me.
Oh, and by the way, thanks. Fury has made a nice change from desolation and sorrow this afternoon.
Well said.
ReplyDeleteI am always amazed at what people feel free to post in response to others but then again I'm surprised how some people act in person. I just don't get it - I could never do some of the things I watch/hear others do. I guess I should be thankful that I'm not rude like them!