Gloom in Illinois

The title refers to the weather, not necessarily my mood, although of course there's always some gloom in my mood - it's a matter of how much at any given moment.  The rain gauge says there was a quarter inch of rain here yesterday, but by the time I arrived at the house at just before 8 p.m., it wasn't raining (most of the heavy rain I went through was north of Indianapolis).  I'm hearing thunder out west of me right now.

The house seems to have done okay while I was gone.  One little rivulet of water in the basement from the area of the water softener, which happens when the dehumidifiers haven't been running, and they hadn't been since last Thursday.

The drive back here yesterday went fine (as ever, crying while driving on Chicago expressways - not a good combination of actions.  Managed to stifle the tears and soldier on.  It was yet another moment of "He should be here").  My report after the trip is that Kentucky has really good rest areas on I-65 and Tennessee's one rest area on I-65, at least the only one I noticed, is closed, I'm going to bet for budgetary reasons, a sheer guess.  I can also report that the McDonald's in Lebanon, IN Smith's Grove, KY offering fruit smoothies is all well and good, but if the customer can't help herself and also gets medium fries with the smoothie, it doesn't add up to a healthy alternative.

I'm meeting with Steve the contractor tomorrow to go over things (and give him a deposit, which is the main thing).  The price he quoted me has got to include a major Widow of Enright discount - it's much less than I expected.  At any rate, I appreciate it.  Work could start next week some time.  With any luck, I don't need to be here for all of it because...

... I'm off south again a week from tomorrow.  I had thought I couldn't swing the United Sacred Harp Musical Association because of airfare, but when I got home last night Lynne told me she'd found a cheapish fare on AirTran, and she was right - if I go on the Friday and come back on the Monday morning, it'll work out.  And I used the last of the PayPal money from the sale of Jerry's Droid to pay for half the ticket.  Given that Jerry had such a strong affiliation with the United, working so hard to get people to attend it in 1994 when he chaired it at Emmaus PB Church in Carrollton, GA, it's a nice thing that the United is what part of that Droid money is going for.  Staying with Jenna Friday night and Sunday night in Atlanta and with David and Karen in Huntsville on Saturday will be a treat, too.  I'm just so grateful, so grateful, to have found that Sacred Harp singing is providing this quantum of solace, to coin a phrase.  As I said before and after Lookout Mountain, I wasn't sure if singing would be something I could face without Jerry - and I've discovered that it's absolutely vital to me.

The added sting, though, is that Jerry isn't there.  That's always the added sting to everything, of course.  But in the past few years we hadn't been going to as many singings as we'd been previously, missing some we never used to miss (including the United), because financial matters with the business were so scary and we were trying to be more frugal about things.  And now here I am, going to more singings in these few months than we did together all last year, and possibly the previous year as well.  I hate it that we missed so many, I hate it that I'm getting to enjoy them now and he isn't.  I hate it that I'm getting to enjoy anything and he isn't.  And I hate that my enjoyment of anything is always, always tempered with pain and incredible sadness.  I hate that he's not here.  I want him back.  I miss him.

Nothing new there.  Onward.  I've got some errands to deal with today, including bringing my new insurance card to the pharmacy so they can input the info into their system.  I want to sweep the walkways and maybe trim some plants back, my small attempt at dealing with the overgrown yard (it makes me - oops, interruption: just had to go out on the front porch in the rain and stick the gutter downspout back together - bet it was a squirrel that knocked it out - anyway, as I was saying, it makes me quail to think of the amount of work Jerry did in the yard that I'm not doing now - pretty soon all the land that isn't occupied by house or garage is going to be jungle).  Too wet to do any work outside though.  Maybe it'll dry up in the next few days.