Another sad photo, another sad day

I already posted the saddest photo - the last one ever taken of Jerry, in the hospital.  This is another sad one: it's the last of our self-portraits, taken at the beginning of April after we'd had haircuts.  (His last haircut.)  I already posted this on the CaringBridge blog, I guess, but hadn't put it up here before, I don't think.  The last photo of the two of us together.  Ever.

Today was a day of lots of crying.  For some reason, Bend It Like Beckham kept setting me off - not a clue why.  IFC was showing it several times today and every so often I'd tune in, and not long into whatever scene it was I'd start crying.  I know Jerry and I watched it together, and he enjoyed it, but it's not like it was a special favorite of his (it is one of mine, though), and Lord knows he hadn't seen it anywhere near as many times as I have.  And it's not like it's a sad movie.  But I was crying at other times during the day as well.  Just that kind of day.  Like every other day, but more so today, it seemed like.

In the evening things moved into a more insane (for me) realm: I had the Auburn game on, and at some point, I think in the 4th quarter, Lynne appeared on Google chat, and didn't have ESPN, so I kept giving her updates on how the game was going.  Lynne and I met 30 years ago in first-year Russian at the beginning of freshman year in college, and in all the years we've known each other, and all the weird places and things we've experienced together, me giving her updates on a college football game in an online chat might be the strangest thing of all.  As I posted on Facebook, Jerry would no doubt think the grief has finally driven me insane if he could see the chat:

me: TD Auburn - no, wait, flag on the play
me:  Nope, 4th down.
5-yd penalty
They'll kick
 Lynne:  For a field goal?
 me:  Yeah, and they missed

I still basically don't know about 3/4 of what's going on in a football game (plus: Roll Crimson War Tigers! Rammer Weagle! - and to get myself out of the latest Auburn-Alabama jam on Facebook, I had to resort quickly to "Let's Go, Yankees!" which I know will unite all the Alabamians... in opposition!).  But there you have it.  Karen watching football.  Karen and Lynne watching football.   Very oddly.

Woke up this morning (what time is it... okay, yesterday - Saturday - morning) with pain in both my feet, a sort of arthritic feeling on the top of both of them that hurt when I moved them or tried to walk.  Feeling oddly, as Jerry would say.  I called the doctor's office to ask if that's a possible Prozac side effect; she wasn't in until Monday, and whoever I was talking to suggested calling the pharmacy, so I did that, and the pharmacist had never heard of it as a possible side effect.  Over the course of the day the pain mostly subsided.  If it's still here on Monday, I'll call the doctor back.  Very strang.  (Hard g: as Jerry would pronounce it.)  But still no drowsiness.  I did take a Xanax last night (although the doctor had told me to stop taking it, but I think she thought I'd been taking it all along) to help me sleep, which it actually did do.  But I don't think I'll take one tonight, in case that also might have had something to do with it, and see how I'm doing tomorrow morning.