Proceeding

The guy who's cleaning the gutters arrived at 7:30 this morning, before the 8 to noon window even opened.  And the woman from the water district has come and changed out the water meter and gone.  I remember making the appointment for that, at their request, when Jerry was home in hospice, and thinking "29 June?  He won't be here by then..."  And he wasn't.

Had a couple of messages from the funeral home.  The "cremains" are in, as are the death certificates, and they will deliver them at some time today (calling first, they said).  And I'm thinking, where do I put the "cremains"?  I guess they'll be in some sort of box.  Upstairs bedroom?  Never imagined I'd be sitting here in June 2010 wondering about where I would put a box of pulverized bone particles that would be all that would be physically left of my honey.

Afraid of this. Hate this.  Want my honey back.  Feeling guilty that I let them destroy his body.  I know logically this is insane, but how could I let them do that?  I want him back.

Update: chickened out.  When they called just now from the funeral home and asked if the urn was made, and I said it's not quite finished yet, and they asked if I wanted them just to bring the death certificates now, I said yes.  When Seamus finishes the urn, we can bring it to them and have them transfer the ashes then.  Putting it off, I know.  Small steps.