I, I cry alone
In the night now that you're gone
And I know
I'll always be blue
How can I live here in this world without you?
The sun rises and falls
And I don't notice at all
The love that we had has fallen through
How can I live here in this world without you?
When I dream, oh my dreams are all the same
You hold me in your arms again
But I know they'll never come true
How can I live here in this world without you?
When I dream, oh my dreams are all the same
You hold me in your arms again
You must know what you've done
You've left me broken and good for no one
Oh, how it hurts to feel like I do
How can I live here in this world without you?
How can I live here in this world without you?
(Yeah... it's actually a breakup song, by Kelly Willis and Paul Kennerley. But the question is very much to the point.)
It sounds as if it's very hard to emerge from such an all-encompassing love and togetherness. It also sounds as if there actually is a part of you that does things differently from the way you and Jerry did things together (maybe hiring that gutter-cleaner is an example?). I can imagine that the balance between those two aspects of you, Jerry's partner and Karen by herself, will shift over time and as you are ready. I sometimes think about marriage/widowhood as being like what might happen to the letter "A" when half is removed -- where we were leaning against each other (the entwining of daily lives) and connected in the middle as well (the exchange of emotional intimacy), and then one half of the "A" goes away, and the other half has to straighten up, stand on its own, and heal the disrupted connection.
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