Disclaimers: I don't actually like the song these lyrics are from. Not a Garth Brooks fan, and don't care for the tune. But a few lines from these lyrics were posted on a widow-related page on Facebook today and just made me think of the obvious: this hell I'm living in now hurts so much, and I miss Jerry more and more every moment - but if this is the price I have to pay for having had the chance to love that man and share those years with him and be his lucky wife - and if the alternative would be not to have had those things at all, and have been spared this pain?
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end, the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say? you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life, it's better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
(written by Tony Arata)
I don't care for Garth Brooks or contemporary country or the song, but I have to tell you that this is one of THE most important truths we widows have to reach -- and sometimes cling to. It's something we have to realize on our own, and not because some well-meaning soul spouts a platitude like you hurt so much because you loved him so much. That one does us no good at all.
ReplyDeleteI was about 3 or 4 months out, or 4 or 5, or somewhere around there, when I realized that I would always choose the road that led to Nick. Put me at a crossroads, with one road leading to a perfectly happy life with a perfectly happy ending and the other leading to Nick, with all its tragedy and pain -- and I would always choose Nick, even knowing how it would end.
Realizing that didn't make the pain any less or the loss any more bearable, but it did somehow give me a surer footing. I could somehow stand a little straighter and say this really is MY life. I could somehow trust the road a little bit more, if that makes any sense.
-- Alicia, wishing you a measure of peace today
Those lyrics are very moving and convey exactly how I feel.
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