Being bad

I'm being bad - it's getting on to 11:30 p.m. and I haven't begun packing for my trip - which, yes, starts tomorrow.  I need to pack, I need to water all the plants and make sure the Aqua Globes are full, I need to set the VCR for 3 episodes of Friday Night Lights on DirecTV, I need to leave a note for myself to reset the thermostat for when I'm away.  What else...?  I have a list somewhere amidst the catastrophe of papers that is the top of my desk.  But I'm not leaving at the crack of dawn, since I'm only going just south of Louisville tomorrow and I don't want to hit rush hour traffic anyway (enough of that on regular weekdays, including an accident on I90 this morning, complete with fire trucks and ambulances, that slowed me down a bit; just missed one coming home, I heard on the radio).  So I'll start packing tonight, but don't need to finish.  And I'm beat.

I did some actual editing today, although I'm not sure what Jim made of it - looked over the new employee manual that he's working on, made a few changes.  For instance, I get antsy when modifying clauses get all dangly... as in "As an employee of X, the company will give you 5 personal days per year."  Can't let 'em stand.  I don't know if that's the kind of thing they actually want me to do, or just find misspellings, or what.  But I guess he'll look at what I've done and let me know.  It felt funny to be doing that, because it doesn't feel like work to me - I find that kind of exercise too fun, like doing a puzzle, for it to feel like work.  Or I might just think that now, and eventually will find it tedious.   I have no idea. I also attended a meeting with a rep from the new company they're going to have do their newsletters and meeting programs, and at some point during the meeting I realized, Oh my God, I'm actually going to be working on assembling a publication - the very kind of work I'd been saying I wanted to be involved in, but hadn't done anything like it since 1987, and had no expectation of being able to get into any time soon.  And I send off my resume in response to a vague Craigslist posting for a receptionist position... and here I am now.

So strange.  So unexpected.  And for them also to say, Sure, go to Alabama until the end of the month, we'll wait for you... and for all this to happen in this economy?  This was just all so unlikely.  It's like it had to have a horrible commute and no daylight attached to it, to balance the rest of it out.

I'm probably being incoherent - I'm really tired, so I need to stop writing and pack a bit and go to bed.  Oh, except I need to put down that in a further expression of my brain going wonky, last night I dreamt I went to Auburn (not that I know what Auburn's like yet) and was looking for a copy of Sports Illustrated, because Cam Newton was going to be on the cover (I'm pretty sure I didn't make that last bit up - I think I read right before going to bed last night that he was going to be on the cover).  I think Cam was somewhere in the dream too.

So... getting ready (or should be getting ready) to head off.  Look for me on CBS on Saturday, me and 87,450 of my nearest and dearest, at Jordan-Hare Stadium, yelling "War Eagle! Hey!" and other things I haven't memorized yet.  I might be the one in the Yankees cap, that's how you'll recognize me, if I go ahead and wear it.  I'm sure it'll be easy to pick me out of the crowd.

And marking, that day, 5 months by date since Jerry died.  So much in my life is already different since then.  I feel so tossed around, buffeted, as I said before.  Glad to have fun things to look forward to, glad to be seeing good friends and singing in Alabama again, and sad to be doing this all without my honey.  To be doing absolutely everything without my honey.  For the rest of my life.

Buffeted.

Off I go.