November. November?!?!
OK, I see I actually did already do a blog post in November (I'm more surprised than anyone else might be at that) - but still, how is it November? How has this year flown by even though I spent most of it floundering around in a state of indecision and unemployment? By now I feel like I should never (ever, ever) announce an intention to do anything, because the way things have been going since Jerry died, I'm bound to change my mind entirely after making such a declarative statement and announce the polar opposite of whatever it was I just said I was going to do. As this year has demonstrated, over and over again.
Soooo... yes. News. As of December 12th, I will be employed. At the same place I worked last year. Yes, it's true. See my previous post, as I just did (I was about to rehash the entire story). I have no idea how the interview at the other place went from their point of view, but my gut told me it was just not a good fit for me (so did my mind, which wandered all over the place while the woman there was telling me about the job, the kind of thing where you realize a minute or two later that she's been talking the entire time you've been wondering about how you'd get from the interview site to the nearby shopping mall and she's still talking and you have no clue what she's talking about) (then you remember you're not employed yet, so you actually make the more sane choice and do not go to the mall). I emailed them after accepting the job at the once and future employer and told them I had taken a job and was no longer available, thereby avoiding the knowledge of whether or not they were going to say yes or no or even get back to me at all. I suspect they wouldn't have gotten back to me.
So now I have a month of what a friend called "funemployment," which is a great term and very apt, and will include a trip to NYC. That trip is scaring me a bit, because, hey, I have to worry about something, and I'm worried that I'll get to New York and feel desperately that I don't want to leave it, which is pretty much what I always feel in New York. And I probably will feel that, but I still also feel that what I'm doing - staying put, focusing on getting a job, focusing on what makes me feel less stressed in the moment, is the right way to go. If someone could teleport me into a place to live and a place to work in a city somewhere and take care of all the logistics involved in that, I wouldn't object. But for now... this is what is working for me.
ETA:
P.S. I finished the copy editing certificate program. I'm certified (certifiable, anyway).
18 November 2012
04 November 2012
Turmeric milk
I've found myself thinking, lately, that the "optimistic" prognosis Jerry was given when he was diagnosed with cancer was two to three years... and that chances are, if he hadn't died so soon after the diagnosis, he would probably be dead now. It doesn't mean anything in particular, obviously, since he did die when he did - but it feels somehow more final, if that's even possible, to realize that. And I find myself thinking, Well, at least I'm not having to begin this hideous process now - and then feeling absolutely riven by guilt and pain at the slightest scintilla of a suggestion that I'm glad Jerry died when he did and didn't have more time because then I'd be dealing with that first stage of grief and mourning now, and not be 29 months "out," at a more endurable stage of it all, at a stage where happiness can actually happen, where enjoyment can be had, and where I'm a more functioning human being. And continuing to wonder what these past two years would have been like if he'd been alive, if he'd have spent all this time suffering through cancer treatments and hospitalizations and all that torture - or perhaps somehow the cancer could have been beaten back, and he would have had a good few years? That does me no good at all. Mostly I don't go around thinking about it. Occasionally I do.
I'm a slightly less functioning human being at the moment, though, due to a cold that I've been fighting off for a couple of weeks now. It's not as bad as it might be, but it's got me tired out and phlegmy - and please pronounce that word "fleg-mee," as Jerry would have. I'm consuming a lot of turmeric milk, an Ayurvedic remedy my endocrinologist recommended when I saw her for my regular checkup this week: my version uses almond milk, and I'm also adding in ginger, pumpkin pie spice, vanilla syrup and sometimes other things along with the turmeric (a bit of unsweetened cocoa powder just now). I have no idea if it's doing anything specific to help, but it does make my throat feel better while I'm drinking it.
So, buried the lede a bit: to my utter surprise, there is a very good possibility I might go back to working at the place I worked last year. There's been a change of management since I fled, and things have changed a great deal there, and for the better. And they asked me to come in and talk about the possibility of coming back (can't help but be flattered by that), and I did that this past week. I was very impressed by the new boss, the new offices they've moved into, the new attitudes (and the new ideas for employee compensation). I have an interview somewhere else Wednesday morning, and we'll have to see how that turns out, but right now I'm feeling very optimistic about my employment prospects. The only drawback is that commute that would have me back to getting up at 5:30 every morning and driving 70 miles a day, but in this economy, with so many people struggling to get by and dealing with unemployment, I can't complain (I can, and will, but I have no real grounds for serious complaining).
The other job I'd mentioned before, they never got back to me about the copy editing test, so I have no idea if it was my copy editing they didn't like, something else about me, or nothing to do with me. But it's for the best, I'm thinking. This will all work out. Eventually.
My parents survived Hurricane Sandy unscathed: they only lost Internet, TV and landline phone service, but not power or water - they're among the luckier ones. I'm entirely leery about the Red Cross ever since I donated a fairly large amount to them after some disaster - 9/11? The tsunami? Katrina? Haiti? All of the above? - and then read about corruption and embezzlement and misuse of funds. But they're the ones supposedly doing the heavy lifting now, and they've supposedly improved, so I did donate this time. Hoping for the best. Go here to donate.
I'm a slightly less functioning human being at the moment, though, due to a cold that I've been fighting off for a couple of weeks now. It's not as bad as it might be, but it's got me tired out and phlegmy - and please pronounce that word "fleg-mee," as Jerry would have. I'm consuming a lot of turmeric milk, an Ayurvedic remedy my endocrinologist recommended when I saw her for my regular checkup this week: my version uses almond milk, and I'm also adding in ginger, pumpkin pie spice, vanilla syrup and sometimes other things along with the turmeric (a bit of unsweetened cocoa powder just now). I have no idea if it's doing anything specific to help, but it does make my throat feel better while I'm drinking it.
So, buried the lede a bit: to my utter surprise, there is a very good possibility I might go back to working at the place I worked last year. There's been a change of management since I fled, and things have changed a great deal there, and for the better. And they asked me to come in and talk about the possibility of coming back (can't help but be flattered by that), and I did that this past week. I was very impressed by the new boss, the new offices they've moved into, the new attitudes (and the new ideas for employee compensation). I have an interview somewhere else Wednesday morning, and we'll have to see how that turns out, but right now I'm feeling very optimistic about my employment prospects. The only drawback is that commute that would have me back to getting up at 5:30 every morning and driving 70 miles a day, but in this economy, with so many people struggling to get by and dealing with unemployment, I can't complain (I can, and will, but I have no real grounds for serious complaining).
The other job I'd mentioned before, they never got back to me about the copy editing test, so I have no idea if it was my copy editing they didn't like, something else about me, or nothing to do with me. But it's for the best, I'm thinking. This will all work out. Eventually.
My parents survived Hurricane Sandy unscathed: they only lost Internet, TV and landline phone service, but not power or water - they're among the luckier ones. I'm entirely leery about the Red Cross ever since I donated a fairly large amount to them after some disaster - 9/11? The tsunami? Katrina? Haiti? All of the above? - and then read about corruption and embezzlement and misuse of funds. But they're the ones supposedly doing the heavy lifting now, and they've supposedly improved, so I did donate this time. Hoping for the best. Go here to donate.
23 October 2012
Feeling sheepish
I know I know I know I know I know!!!!!
I'm a terrible fibber! I keep saying I'm going to post, and then I don't. Do good intentions count for anything?
So, as I sit here with the latest Bulls pre-season game on the TV, I'll make my latest effort to do a blog post. I'm in a holding pattern at the moment: I still haven't heard back about the copy editing test, and I have no idea if they just hated my work or if they've been too busy to deal with it. Meanwhile, there's the possibility I'll get sucked back in to the place I worked last year: this is something that just came up this afternoon, so I don't know if it's really something that will work out, for them or for me, but there's been a change of management since I fled, and it might be doable. Or not. Lots of variables and questions, but I'm going to go talk to them a week from Thursday, and we'll see what's what.
Yeah, vague. I know. At any rate, it's ego-boosting and flattering to be asked.
Early voting started in Illinois yesterday, and I went over to vote - it's not as if I ever had any doubt how I was going to vote, so I might as well get 'er done. The election judges, bless their hearts, they try: but, for instance, when you are assigning numbers to people waiting to vote, so you can call them in numerical order, it really works better if you assign each number to only one person, so that when you call each number, only one person comes forward... not, oh, say, two. They went with the less good option. They also had nowhere near enough pens for people to use to fill out the application cards they needed to fill out to vote early.
But it's done, and it felt good to get it done.
The house continues to be a slight money pit: latest outlay was $1,400 to have the furnace fixed, since the onset of cooler weather made it clear it had stopped working. It's a high-efficiency furnace we bought some time in the early years of living here, in the early 2000s, so it was definitely worth repairing instead of replacing - but ouch.
My moving-related anxiety dreams have mostly stopped. I do keep having dreams about Jerry in which something is wrong: in the latest iteration, he was leaving me for some reason - he didn't want to be with me anymore. (He also had some large tattoos in Tibetan script in bands across his abdomen.) I'm not sure I understand what's going on with those, unless it's a subconscious feeling that he abandoned me by dying. Which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me as a possibility, but things that don't make sense are a hallmark of this whole widowhood thing, aren't they?
Sorry - I'm running out of steam here. Three-point Bulls game, 44 seconds to go. Let's go, Bulls.
I'm a terrible fibber! I keep saying I'm going to post, and then I don't. Do good intentions count for anything?
So, as I sit here with the latest Bulls pre-season game on the TV, I'll make my latest effort to do a blog post. I'm in a holding pattern at the moment: I still haven't heard back about the copy editing test, and I have no idea if they just hated my work or if they've been too busy to deal with it. Meanwhile, there's the possibility I'll get sucked back in to the place I worked last year: this is something that just came up this afternoon, so I don't know if it's really something that will work out, for them or for me, but there's been a change of management since I fled, and it might be doable. Or not. Lots of variables and questions, but I'm going to go talk to them a week from Thursday, and we'll see what's what.
Yeah, vague. I know. At any rate, it's ego-boosting and flattering to be asked.
Early voting started in Illinois yesterday, and I went over to vote - it's not as if I ever had any doubt how I was going to vote, so I might as well get 'er done. The election judges, bless their hearts, they try: but, for instance, when you are assigning numbers to people waiting to vote, so you can call them in numerical order, it really works better if you assign each number to only one person, so that when you call each number, only one person comes forward... not, oh, say, two. They went with the less good option. They also had nowhere near enough pens for people to use to fill out the application cards they needed to fill out to vote early.
But it's done, and it felt good to get it done.
The house continues to be a slight money pit: latest outlay was $1,400 to have the furnace fixed, since the onset of cooler weather made it clear it had stopped working. It's a high-efficiency furnace we bought some time in the early years of living here, in the early 2000s, so it was definitely worth repairing instead of replacing - but ouch.
My moving-related anxiety dreams have mostly stopped. I do keep having dreams about Jerry in which something is wrong: in the latest iteration, he was leaving me for some reason - he didn't want to be with me anymore. (He also had some large tattoos in Tibetan script in bands across his abdomen.) I'm not sure I understand what's going on with those, unless it's a subconscious feeling that he abandoned me by dying. Which doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me as a possibility, but things that don't make sense are a hallmark of this whole widowhood thing, aren't they?
Sorry - I'm running out of steam here. Three-point Bulls game, 44 seconds to go. Let's go, Bulls.
17 October 2012
"Shortly"
Yowza! I said I was going to do another blog post "shortly" - well, clearly that didn't work, and it's way too late at night to start a real entry now, so I'll just say that a) me removing the photo from the front of the blog has no significance other than I decided it was taking up too much room and I need to find something else for the top of the blog that still lets the newest post show up when the blog itself is opened; b) I'm waiting to hear back on a copy editing test for a possible job... with a medical non-profit 2 miles from the last job location. It would mean that hideous commute again, but I think, if everything were to align correctly, it could be a good thing; c) just finished a Russian-to-English translation. So I'm still here and still plugging away.
More to come... at some time in the not too distant future. I hope.
More to come... at some time in the not too distant future. I hope.
10 October 2012
Word Cloud
I was reading Alicia's latest post just now and saw that she'd made mention of a "word cloud" - of course, I'd seen those things before on people's blogs, but Alicia's mention made me curious what would come up if I created one from this blog. And I guess the result I got is no surprise at all, but it's certainly interesting to see my thoughts, feelings, concerns and (one might say) obsessions of the past 2+ years in graphic form:
-->
ago behind blog comments copy course dreams editing fact garage going guy home house interview jerry job karen knew life list loved market months moving oh people person point posted ready realize really reason someone something staying sure things think thought took totally translation week widow work y'all yard year
created at TagCrowd.com
Another blog post coming shortly.
18 September 2012
13 September 2012
Not 100% sure, but when in doubt...
Hej hej, y'all. (Sorry... watched the US version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo last night. Thought it was not fabulous, thought the accent variety was bizarre, but thought Rooney Mara was amazing. I'd watched the Swedish version, so I knew what horrors were coming and didn't find them as shocking as I might have. I tried to read the book a year or two ago and gave up after a very short time, bored and really, really annoyed by the writing: perhaps it was the translation? Anyway, so much for my history with Stieg Larsson. End of distracted aside.)
So, as I said in my last short post, I've faced reality: I'm not ready to move. Of course, I'm not 100% sure that staying here is 100% right, but I'm unsure and doubtful enough about moving on before I'm totally ready that staying put seems like the wiser option. And while I'm no believer in omens or signs, I do find it comforting that I got back from my trip late Monday night, got up Tuesday, went to Monster.com and immediately found a job opening at a translation agency 6 miles from my home. And sent my resume and cover letter. And got a call a few hours later asking me to come in for an interview. And had the interview yesterday morning. And saw a big Buddha head in the office entryway when I got there (which Jerry would have loved). And wasn't nervous.
I don't know if I'll get the job: the person I spoke with had more people to interview, and then was going to be out of town over the weekend, so I'm not supposed to hear back until at least the middle of next week. The job isn't translating, but it includes organizing jobs and projects, maintaining social media, (probably answering phones), and hey, if I'm helping organize jobs, perhaps I could put myself forward for consideration for Russian-to-English translation jobs, or editing jobs. A girl can dream. And it's SIX MILES AWAY, which would be some sort of karmic reward for the 70-miles-a-day round-trip commute to my last job.
Oh, and I had a second realtor come in and look at the house about a week and a half ago. She was supposed to get back to me with an estimate of what she thought it could be listed for. She also knew I wasn't at all sure I was ready to sell, which I'm guessing is the reason she has totally and entirely blown me off. Very professional, I'm sure. If she didn't want to put in the work, that's understandable, but how hard is it to TELL ME THAT? She's far from the first person I've dealt with in my 50 years of life who's said she'd do something professionally for me and then never did (just for starters, is there a thing about most chimney-cleaning companies that mandates that they must make appointments to come to your house and then never, ever show up? I'm just extremely lucky that Jerry and I finally found a very professional, very prompt chimney-cleaning company nearby). It does boggle my mind that people can stay in business with that kind of attitude. And it makes me appreciate all the more those people who do what they say they're going to do. Or tell you if they're not.
Two more classes to go in the copy editing certificate course: I'm currently doing an introduction to InDesign, and then there's one more class that won't be offered until mid-October. I'm still hoping there's a copy-editing job some time in my future, but I'm taking loved ones' advice and not setting deadlines for a while. I'm waiting for my gut to tell me when I'm ready to move on. For my heart to speak to me.
Gloomy, gloomy day today, but I'm feeling calmer and more in charge than I had felt in months. I think I'm on the right path, for now.
So, as I said in my last short post, I've faced reality: I'm not ready to move. Of course, I'm not 100% sure that staying here is 100% right, but I'm unsure and doubtful enough about moving on before I'm totally ready that staying put seems like the wiser option. And while I'm no believer in omens or signs, I do find it comforting that I got back from my trip late Monday night, got up Tuesday, went to Monster.com and immediately found a job opening at a translation agency 6 miles from my home. And sent my resume and cover letter. And got a call a few hours later asking me to come in for an interview. And had the interview yesterday morning. And saw a big Buddha head in the office entryway when I got there (which Jerry would have loved). And wasn't nervous.
I don't know if I'll get the job: the person I spoke with had more people to interview, and then was going to be out of town over the weekend, so I'm not supposed to hear back until at least the middle of next week. The job isn't translating, but it includes organizing jobs and projects, maintaining social media, (probably answering phones), and hey, if I'm helping organize jobs, perhaps I could put myself forward for consideration for Russian-to-English translation jobs, or editing jobs. A girl can dream. And it's SIX MILES AWAY, which would be some sort of karmic reward for the 70-miles-a-day round-trip commute to my last job.
Oh, and I had a second realtor come in and look at the house about a week and a half ago. She was supposed to get back to me with an estimate of what she thought it could be listed for. She also knew I wasn't at all sure I was ready to sell, which I'm guessing is the reason she has totally and entirely blown me off. Very professional, I'm sure. If she didn't want to put in the work, that's understandable, but how hard is it to TELL ME THAT? She's far from the first person I've dealt with in my 50 years of life who's said she'd do something professionally for me and then never did (just for starters, is there a thing about most chimney-cleaning companies that mandates that they must make appointments to come to your house and then never, ever show up? I'm just extremely lucky that Jerry and I finally found a very professional, very prompt chimney-cleaning company nearby). It does boggle my mind that people can stay in business with that kind of attitude. And it makes me appreciate all the more those people who do what they say they're going to do. Or tell you if they're not.
Two more classes to go in the copy editing certificate course: I'm currently doing an introduction to InDesign, and then there's one more class that won't be offered until mid-October. I'm still hoping there's a copy-editing job some time in my future, but I'm taking loved ones' advice and not setting deadlines for a while. I'm waiting for my gut to tell me when I'm ready to move on. For my heart to speak to me.
Gloomy, gloomy day today, but I'm feeling calmer and more in charge than I had felt in months. I think I'm on the right path, for now.
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