Turmeric milk

I've found myself thinking, lately, that the "optimistic" prognosis Jerry was given when he was diagnosed with cancer was two to three years... and that chances are, if he hadn't died so soon after the diagnosis, he would probably be dead now.  It doesn't mean anything in particular, obviously, since he did die when he did - but it feels somehow more final, if that's even possible, to realize that.  And I find myself thinking, Well, at least I'm not having to begin this hideous process now - and then feeling absolutely riven by guilt and pain at the slightest scintilla of a suggestion that I'm glad Jerry died when he did and didn't have more time because then I'd be dealing with that first stage of grief and mourning now, and not be 29 months "out," at a more endurable stage of it all, at a stage where happiness can actually happen, where enjoyment can be had, and where I'm a more functioning human being.  And continuing to wonder what these past two years would have been like if he'd been alive, if he'd have spent all this time suffering through cancer treatments and hospitalizations and all that torture - or perhaps somehow the cancer could have been beaten back, and he would have had a good few years?  That does me no good at all.  Mostly I don't go around thinking about it.  Occasionally I do.

I'm a slightly less functioning human being at the moment, though, due to a cold that I've been fighting off for a couple of weeks now.  It's not as bad as it might be, but it's got me tired out and phlegmy - and please pronounce that word "fleg-mee," as Jerry would have.  I'm consuming a lot of turmeric milk, an Ayurvedic remedy my endocrinologist recommended when I saw her for my regular checkup this week: my version uses almond milk, and I'm also adding in ginger, pumpkin pie spice, vanilla syrup and sometimes other things along with the turmeric (a bit of unsweetened cocoa powder just now). I have no idea if it's doing anything specific to help, but it does make my throat feel better while I'm drinking it.

So, buried the lede a bit: to my utter surprise, there is a very good possibility I might go back to working at the place I worked last year.  There's been a change of management since I fled, and things have changed a great deal there, and for the better.  And they asked me to come in and talk about the possibility of coming back (can't help but be flattered by that), and I did that this past week.  I was very impressed by the new boss, the new offices they've moved into, the new attitudes (and the new ideas for employee compensation).  I have an interview somewhere else Wednesday morning, and we'll have to see how that turns out, but right now I'm feeling very optimistic about my employment prospects.  The only drawback is that commute that would have me back to getting up at 5:30 every morning and driving 70 miles a day, but in this economy, with so many people struggling to get by and dealing with unemployment, I can't complain (I can, and will, but I have no real grounds for serious complaining).

The other job I'd mentioned before, they never got back to me about the copy editing test, so I have no idea if it was my copy editing they didn't like, something else about me, or nothing to do with me.  But it's for the best, I'm thinking. This will all work out.  Eventually.

My parents survived Hurricane Sandy unscathed: they only lost Internet, TV and landline phone service, but not power or water - they're among the luckier ones.  I'm entirely leery about the Red Cross ever since I donated a fairly large amount to them after some disaster - 9/11? The tsunami?  Katrina?  Haiti?  All of the above? - and then read about corruption and embezzlement and misuse of funds.  But they're the ones supposedly doing the heavy lifting now, and they've supposedly improved, so I did donate this time.  Hoping for the best.  Go here to donate.