November. November?!?!
OK, I see I actually did already do a blog post in November (I'm more surprised than anyone else might be at that) - but still, how is it November? How has this year flown by even though I spent most of it floundering around in a state of indecision and unemployment? By now I feel like I should never (ever, ever) announce an intention to do anything, because the way things have been going since Jerry died, I'm bound to change my mind entirely after making such a declarative statement and announce the polar opposite of whatever it was I just said I was going to do. As this year has demonstrated, over and over again.
Soooo... yes. News. As of December 12th, I will be employed. At the same place I worked last year. Yes, it's true. See my previous post, as I just did (I was about to rehash the entire story). I have no idea how the interview at the other place went from their point of view, but my gut told me it was just not a good fit for me (so did my mind, which wandered all over the place while the woman there was telling me about the job, the kind of thing where you realize a minute or two later that she's been talking the entire time you've been wondering about how you'd get from the interview site to the nearby shopping mall and she's still talking and you have no clue what she's talking about) (then you remember you're not employed yet, so you actually make the more sane choice and do not go to the mall). I emailed them after accepting the job at the once and future employer and told them I had taken a job and was no longer available, thereby avoiding the knowledge of whether or not they were going to say yes or no or even get back to me at all. I suspect they wouldn't have gotten back to me.
So now I have a month of what a friend called "funemployment," which is a great term and very apt, and will include a trip to NYC. That trip is scaring me a bit, because, hey, I have to worry about something, and I'm worried that I'll get to New York and feel desperately that I don't want to leave it, which is pretty much what I always feel in New York. And I probably will feel that, but I still also feel that what I'm doing - staying put, focusing on getting a job, focusing on what makes me feel less stressed in the moment, is the right way to go. If someone could teleport me into a place to live and a place to work in a city somewhere and take care of all the logistics involved in that, I wouldn't object. But for now... this is what is working for me.
ETA:
P.S. I finished the copy editing certificate program. I'm certified (certifiable, anyway).
Congratulations on receiving the copy editing certification as well as starting a new job in December. I hope you are proud of both.
ReplyDeleteAutumn and the approaching holidays I think can be reminders of what we had. Reminders aren't always easy to accept. I've found that getting to a better place in my life hasn't obscured the past; the look ahead (even with accomplishments) often remains unclear. Each day in some ways is a new beginning.
Sometimes I get tired of new beginnings. Do you? Sometimes I just long for a hug from my late spouse.
But I remind myself I am lucky to be here. And I can hear him telling me to "be up and doing" which helps disperse the returning sadness.
My house closed. I live there no more. Getting the place sold and relocating were major accomplishments. Sometimes I am amazed. I think my spouse would be proud. But more importantly, I am proud. I did it.
You will find your way. Following your "gut" and looking for joy in the present can give comfort as you do so.
Virtual hugs come your way. May you have a happy thanksgiving (in NY?)!
And you deserve it too!
ReplyDeleteIt's now December--how time passes quickly!
ReplyDeleteThanksgiving is past. And now another month of holidays. My guess is that you have begun working again for your former employer. How is it going for you? Can you use your new skills as a certified copy editor? Is the commute working out?
Here's also hoping that hurricane Sandy didn't cause havoc for those you love in NY and that your family came through the storm OK.
My house sale and move went well; I am beginning a new life in another place. Not easy, but easier than I thought it would be. My guess is because I was ready.
This month however isn't easy; I think it always will be such. December is the month when my husband's decline significantly increased. Each new December day seems like a countdown (whenever I realize what day it is) toward our last times together. Hard memories surface once again, even in a new place where there are no triggers, and where he never lived.
But good memories of good times also resurface. I am so thankful for them, for him.
In some ways that life with him seems long ago. Do you have those feelings also? Sometimes it's difficult to remember what was the past.
In 2013 it will be three years.
Who knew? We didn't know five years ago.
Life is what happens when you are making plans. That we have learned very well.
Hope you are well.
Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteI hope your silence means you are enjoying life and simply too busy to post. And that the return to work is satisfying. It must be nice getting a pay check again.
It's hard to fathom three years without a spouse is coming up for me and I know for you this 2013. Not easy realizing this. But the time somehow makes the present really present. Making new friends does work.
It would be great to hear how you are doing.
My relocation is going well. It will be nice to move past the holiday season. Somehow everything comes to a standstill with holidays.
Does that happen to you?
Alicia's blog seems to contain a finale.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed her writings, having discovered her blog on your site. Thank you.
You have been silent (here) and I have missed your writings. I imagine others have also.
Not easy, the recent past years as a widow, but getting easier I am finding since I think now of myself as single. Never thought this would happen and surprisingly the transformation confers a new autonomy. Maybe the same is happening for you or has happened?
So during this month, on the third year date of death of my spouse, I will be with a new group of people, doing something fun. This was not an easy decision, but seems to me a good thing. My spouse would be pleased I think. Life is for living and he loved life.
And a candle can still burn at times in his memory. I am lucky he was in my life.
Seizing moments and life and opportunities has brought a measure of happiness.
I hope and wish the same for you and that you are well.