So, dear readers, the new antidepressant is... (insert fanfare here) Zoloft. Or rather, the generic version of Zoloft, and I never usually get the generic names into my memory, except for Levothyroxine, which I've been taking for enough years now to know. Hoping for effectiveness and lack of side effects, but not hoping with a lot of confidence. Also hoping not to need a lot of appointments, since I've just discovered that the private insurance policy I got after I left my job has everything I've been treated for previously excluded from coverage for 12 months, so it's all out of my pocket.
It's still cold here, and there's still snow on the ground, so we're having some winter after all.
At a suggestion from my therapist, I got some big plastic bins on Saturday, brought them upstairs to Jerry's Buddha bedroom office on Sunday and sorted through some things. The bins are for dividing things into categories: things that I think someone might be able to use (but not me) or that might just need to be tossed , things I can't go through right now but need to later (or have someone else do it), things I want to keep. I found a bunch of photos, including more photos taken right after we got married, of me, of Jerry holding our marriage license, a second one of the two of us, that I hadn't remembered existed.
As I drove to the mental health center to see the psychiatrist this morning, my brain had one of those fleeting thoughts that speed by and give me just enough time to realize I've had them and how insane they are. I saw the sign for my former endocrinologist - the one I gave up on when he charged me a co-pay just to have me come into his office so he could write a prescription. Jerry would sometimes be at the appointments I had with him, waiting for me in the waiting room, and as I drove by I realized that I had just thought that I should stop there, that maybe Jerry would be waiting for me in the waiting room. (I suppose if I'd remembered I could have told the psychiatrist about that, but I didn't.)
And because she just died and because she was part of the soundtrack of my 20s and because I love this song and love the exuberance with which she sings it, here's Whitney: