10 July 2010
09 July 2010
Progress is Our Most Important Product
(I didn't know until I googled it just now where that phrase came from. But Jerry liked to say it.)
So anyway, some more progress on the Getting Things Accomplished front: Jim from the Friends of the Library came back this morning with a lot of boxes, and the dining room is now clear of books, and the library now has lots of odd things to sell in its book sale (hope someone likes the Russian-Serbian phrasebook. What was I thinking in 1982 when I picked that one up?). I was, as my mother would say, ruthless, culling books that I've carted from one domicile to the next for the past thirty years, never looking at them except when I put them in a box or took them out of a box or put them on a shelf or took them off a shelf to put back in a box. If I couldn't sell them on Powell's website, off they went to the library. I realize there's always other options, like eBay, but I've done that before, and it's not worth the effort it takes to list them, sell them, mail them and hope for payment - by the time I was done, with the exception of a Julia Child first edition I sold right at the time the film version of Julie and Julia came out, I've never made enough on selling them to make it worthwhile.
(Some things I couldn't part with, though. The Little House books. The Poldark novels. Seven Little Australians.)
Right before noon, Steve arrived to see the scariness that is the basement, along with the rest of the house. Actually, he said the big issue is the foundation (no surprise), but the rest of the house is fine. Mighty fine, of course, when it comes to the gorgeous woodwork and decorating my honey did. I will have to take pictures soon to post on this blog, to brag on my honey. So the things I had Steve make note of to give me options and estimates for are the basement in general; the weird "dirt room" next to Jerry's tool room, where the dirt foundation in the basement was never walled off at all (I think some sort of wall in there would be a good idea); a general inspection of the roof to make sure no other tiles need replacing in addition to the corner I already know about; the stairs to the porch, which are rotting; possibly larger and better-placed gutters; a landscape timber that needs to be replaced; the laundry sink, which is really old and needs to be replaced, plus the drainpipe keeps clogging; various plumbing things (toilet, sink) in the upstairs bathroom; and possibly painting the upstairs bedrooms and bathroom.
Of course, things might look different once he gives me an estimate, and I might discover some things aren't quite as urgent as others. Clearly the foundation is job number one.
I called the chimney cleaners after Steve left, and arranged to have them come out next week to do the annual cleaning. We usually had that done in September, but I don't see any reason to wait - it's not like I'll be building fires in the fireplace between now and then, unless global warming screws up the climate even faster than it already is doing and it snows in August. And maybe not even then - the fireplace was one of those Things That Jerry Did - I think of that fireplace, I think of Jerry crouched down in front of it lighting a fire for us, and then snuggling up with him on the couch under a blanket waiting for the room to get warmer. And then still snuggling up even when the room did get warmer. A fire in the fireplace without him would be no fun at all.
I told Pam, the woman on the phone, who I was and what I wanted done - she asked if they'd done our chimney before, clearly not finding my name on her computer, and I realized the problem and told her "It's probably in my husband's name..." - and then she found it, and I had to ask her to change the name to mine, and told her why, and she spent the next five minutes sounding shocked and horrified and sad - it's a family-run business, and her husband, the owner I think, has been out to the house several times, back when they were tuck-pointing the chimney, so they know who their customers are, I guess, even if, in her case, she hadn't met us in person. I suspect I'm probably telling people I have no need to tell - Pam, Jim from the library - but I don't seem able to stop myself. It's like I want to shout it at everyone I see, people I pass by in the store, people on the street, I want to yell at them and say, Don't you realize the world has come to an end??? Don't you realize life is over??? Don't you realize what an empty place this world is now??? Why aren't you all just standing around crying???
Off to Sears after lunch, to pick up the two 35-pint dehumidifiers I ordered on line this morning to replace the defunct 50-pint dehumidifier. I figured the smaller ones would be easier for me to lift, and I was able to get them into the basement and operating - plus I can put them in different areas at the same time. Seamus said he'll get the old one out of there for me, so I don't have to lift it myself, which I appreciate. We also have an old gas-run lawn mower we bought a long time ago from a guy who refurbished lawn mowers. It didn't last long, and eventually we bought an electric one and ran it with a very long extension cord. Then Jerry started his master plan to plant the yard with native grasses, so no more mowing... and now the yard's an overgrown jungle only part of the way towards Jerry's goal. I think this weekend I'll go out there, slathered in bug spray, and try to trim things back a bit. Anyway, the old lawn mower will also go the way of the dead dehumidifier, along with an old black and white TV that's been in the basement since we moved in, the dead bread machine, and who knows what other dead appliances that are hiding down there.
So that was it for accomplishments today, I think.
Just saw an item on one of the entertainment blogs saying that Andre Royo has been cast in the next season of Fringe. Oh, I must tell Jerry! I thought. He'll like Bubs showing up on the show he likes to call "Fringgg."
So anyway, some more progress on the Getting Things Accomplished front: Jim from the Friends of the Library came back this morning with a lot of boxes, and the dining room is now clear of books, and the library now has lots of odd things to sell in its book sale (hope someone likes the Russian-Serbian phrasebook. What was I thinking in 1982 when I picked that one up?). I was, as my mother would say, ruthless, culling books that I've carted from one domicile to the next for the past thirty years, never looking at them except when I put them in a box or took them out of a box or put them on a shelf or took them off a shelf to put back in a box. If I couldn't sell them on Powell's website, off they went to the library. I realize there's always other options, like eBay, but I've done that before, and it's not worth the effort it takes to list them, sell them, mail them and hope for payment - by the time I was done, with the exception of a Julia Child first edition I sold right at the time the film version of Julie and Julia came out, I've never made enough on selling them to make it worthwhile.
(Some things I couldn't part with, though. The Little House books. The Poldark novels. Seven Little Australians.)
Right before noon, Steve arrived to see the scariness that is the basement, along with the rest of the house. Actually, he said the big issue is the foundation (no surprise), but the rest of the house is fine. Mighty fine, of course, when it comes to the gorgeous woodwork and decorating my honey did. I will have to take pictures soon to post on this blog, to brag on my honey. So the things I had Steve make note of to give me options and estimates for are the basement in general; the weird "dirt room" next to Jerry's tool room, where the dirt foundation in the basement was never walled off at all (I think some sort of wall in there would be a good idea); a general inspection of the roof to make sure no other tiles need replacing in addition to the corner I already know about; the stairs to the porch, which are rotting; possibly larger and better-placed gutters; a landscape timber that needs to be replaced; the laundry sink, which is really old and needs to be replaced, plus the drainpipe keeps clogging; various plumbing things (toilet, sink) in the upstairs bathroom; and possibly painting the upstairs bedrooms and bathroom.
Of course, things might look different once he gives me an estimate, and I might discover some things aren't quite as urgent as others. Clearly the foundation is job number one.
I called the chimney cleaners after Steve left, and arranged to have them come out next week to do the annual cleaning. We usually had that done in September, but I don't see any reason to wait - it's not like I'll be building fires in the fireplace between now and then, unless global warming screws up the climate even faster than it already is doing and it snows in August. And maybe not even then - the fireplace was one of those Things That Jerry Did - I think of that fireplace, I think of Jerry crouched down in front of it lighting a fire for us, and then snuggling up with him on the couch under a blanket waiting for the room to get warmer. And then still snuggling up even when the room did get warmer. A fire in the fireplace without him would be no fun at all.
I told Pam, the woman on the phone, who I was and what I wanted done - she asked if they'd done our chimney before, clearly not finding my name on her computer, and I realized the problem and told her "It's probably in my husband's name..." - and then she found it, and I had to ask her to change the name to mine, and told her why, and she spent the next five minutes sounding shocked and horrified and sad - it's a family-run business, and her husband, the owner I think, has been out to the house several times, back when they were tuck-pointing the chimney, so they know who their customers are, I guess, even if, in her case, she hadn't met us in person. I suspect I'm probably telling people I have no need to tell - Pam, Jim from the library - but I don't seem able to stop myself. It's like I want to shout it at everyone I see, people I pass by in the store, people on the street, I want to yell at them and say, Don't you realize the world has come to an end??? Don't you realize life is over??? Don't you realize what an empty place this world is now??? Why aren't you all just standing around crying???
Off to Sears after lunch, to pick up the two 35-pint dehumidifiers I ordered on line this morning to replace the defunct 50-pint dehumidifier. I figured the smaller ones would be easier for me to lift, and I was able to get them into the basement and operating - plus I can put them in different areas at the same time. Seamus said he'll get the old one out of there for me, so I don't have to lift it myself, which I appreciate. We also have an old gas-run lawn mower we bought a long time ago from a guy who refurbished lawn mowers. It didn't last long, and eventually we bought an electric one and ran it with a very long extension cord. Then Jerry started his master plan to plant the yard with native grasses, so no more mowing... and now the yard's an overgrown jungle only part of the way towards Jerry's goal. I think this weekend I'll go out there, slathered in bug spray, and try to trim things back a bit. Anyway, the old lawn mower will also go the way of the dead dehumidifier, along with an old black and white TV that's been in the basement since we moved in, the dead bread machine, and who knows what other dead appliances that are hiding down there.
So that was it for accomplishments today, I think.
Just saw an item on one of the entertainment blogs saying that Andre Royo has been cast in the next season of Fringe. Oh, I must tell Jerry! I thought. He'll like Bubs showing up on the show he likes to call "Fringgg."
08 July 2010
Any Time Now
The Cancer Institute where Jerry was treated can stop sending him newsletters any fucking time they want, really. He got one in the mail today. I picked up the phone to call them before realizing it was after hours; then I e-mailed them and got an out-of-office autoreply... dated to end on 5 July. So that's great. But you'd think an institution that dealt with cancer patients would go out of its way to keep track of these things, to avoid causing pain to people. But no... they're right up there with the hospice's equipment company calling a few days after Jerry died to find out if the equipment was working well and if they should send more... and continuing to ask those questions several times after I said "He's dead."
Anyway...
I want to thank all of you for reading this blog, and for commenting on it and sending me messages. Some of you I know; some of you I don't; all of you, I'm grateful for your attention and insights. I'm far less than communicative in a lot of ways these days, and I'm afraid I might be upsetting people by seeming to be withdrawing, but I can't help it. In a great many ways, I feel entirely different from my previous self - lots of things I used to care about, I don't right now; things I took pleasure in, I don't right now. My whole being is focussed on Jerry's absence, and trying to understand that it's real and permanent while still refusing in many ways to understand that, and trying to find out how I'm going to keep going in the face of that absence. How it's even going to be possible or desirable, I still don't know. I don't know how long it's going to take me to figure out who I am now and what my life is going to be like. But I'm trying to do what I need to do to survive the horrific feelings that keep washing over me when the numbness breaks now and then. I appreciate everyone's patience and tolerance.
This afternoon I e-mailed a death notice to the Chicago Tribune, finally. In the evening when I got home, I had a message on the answering machine telling me to call to arrange payment for it. When I did that, I was told the notice would cost $198. I told the guy "You're serious!" I told him my husband would be appalled if I spent that much, which is absolutely true, as Seamus confirmed when I texted him and told him I'd cancelled the obituary. As we agreed, those who need to know do know. Jerry would indeed have been appalled at anyone spending that kind of money on such a thing. And by the way, Chicago Tribune - charging this much for a death notice is not going to save your newspaper in the age of the Internet. Just so you know.
The guy from the Friends of the Library came by this morning, picked up some books that were in boxes and bags, and said he'd bring more boxes tomorrow morning for the rest of them. Steve from Symmetry, the contractor firm, will be here tomorrow at noon and I'll show him the sad state of the basement, plus what other things I can think of. I'm going to ask him to figure too how much it would cost to paint the two upstairs bedrooms and the upstairs bathroom, which Jerry hadn't gotten to yet. We hadn't gotten around to discussing colors for those rooms, Jerry and I - probably I'll just have Symmetry price a basic soft white. I suppose I could do those myself - we'll see how much it all comes to. Meanwhile, I'm glad Steve will get to see all Jerry's gorgeous work in the house - although the Symmetry guys have worked with Wood Bros. for years, and already know how talented my husband was.
After that's done, I think I'll go down to Sears and see about getting a new dehumidifier. Actually, I'm thinking of getting two smaller ones, both to be able to space them better in the basement, and also because they'll be easier for me to move myself.
So tired.
Anyway...
I want to thank all of you for reading this blog, and for commenting on it and sending me messages. Some of you I know; some of you I don't; all of you, I'm grateful for your attention and insights. I'm far less than communicative in a lot of ways these days, and I'm afraid I might be upsetting people by seeming to be withdrawing, but I can't help it. In a great many ways, I feel entirely different from my previous self - lots of things I used to care about, I don't right now; things I took pleasure in, I don't right now. My whole being is focussed on Jerry's absence, and trying to understand that it's real and permanent while still refusing in many ways to understand that, and trying to find out how I'm going to keep going in the face of that absence. How it's even going to be possible or desirable, I still don't know. I don't know how long it's going to take me to figure out who I am now and what my life is going to be like. But I'm trying to do what I need to do to survive the horrific feelings that keep washing over me when the numbness breaks now and then. I appreciate everyone's patience and tolerance.
This afternoon I e-mailed a death notice to the Chicago Tribune, finally. In the evening when I got home, I had a message on the answering machine telling me to call to arrange payment for it. When I did that, I was told the notice would cost $198. I told the guy "You're serious!" I told him my husband would be appalled if I spent that much, which is absolutely true, as Seamus confirmed when I texted him and told him I'd cancelled the obituary. As we agreed, those who need to know do know. Jerry would indeed have been appalled at anyone spending that kind of money on such a thing. And by the way, Chicago Tribune - charging this much for a death notice is not going to save your newspaper in the age of the Internet. Just so you know.
The guy from the Friends of the Library came by this morning, picked up some books that were in boxes and bags, and said he'd bring more boxes tomorrow morning for the rest of them. Steve from Symmetry, the contractor firm, will be here tomorrow at noon and I'll show him the sad state of the basement, plus what other things I can think of. I'm going to ask him to figure too how much it would cost to paint the two upstairs bedrooms and the upstairs bathroom, which Jerry hadn't gotten to yet. We hadn't gotten around to discussing colors for those rooms, Jerry and I - probably I'll just have Symmetry price a basic soft white. I suppose I could do those myself - we'll see how much it all comes to. Meanwhile, I'm glad Steve will get to see all Jerry's gorgeous work in the house - although the Symmetry guys have worked with Wood Bros. for years, and already know how talented my husband was.
After that's done, I think I'll go down to Sears and see about getting a new dehumidifier. Actually, I'm thinking of getting two smaller ones, both to be able to space them better in the basement, and also because they'll be easier for me to move myself.
So tired.
07 July 2010
Progress where and as possible
I registered for the local Freecycle website the other day - going over a list Jerry had made a long time ago of website registrations, I noticed that one and decided to join myself. This morning I saw someone in town had posted, asking if anyone had any coolers to give away, and I told her I had two big coolers with wheels, and ended up leaving them outside the back door for her. She came and got them some time this evening. They're exactly what she wanted, she e-mailed later and said, and Jerry and I won't be carrying lots of food to any more Sacred Harp conventions, which is what we got them for. So I'm glad that worked out. Two more things out of the basement.
Tomorrow morning a library volunteer is supposed to come by and pick up books. I hope he'll take all of them, but some are probably of questionable quality for a "Friends of the Library" book sale. When I asked him about quality, he said "Well, would you buy it? That's how I decide." I have no idea. Considering some of these books are things like Molière and Corneille in French and a Russian-to-French medical dictionary, I'm not sure anyone is going to want them no matter what condition they're in.
I spoke to one of the guys from the contractor today when he stopped by the shop: he'll come to the house on Friday. I've been making a list of things that need doing - at least, the things I've noticed so far. Maybe he'll see other things as well.
So I'm getting things done. Today I cleaned off my bench at work for the first time in, well, forever. Threw out old Post-it Notes (Jerry would write the name of each job on a Post-it and stick it on top of the pile of parts he was giving me to finish, and the Post-its usually ended up on the bench for no good reason), used-up sandpaper, organized edging sticks and wax sticks and markers, swept off years' worth of sanding dust. And thought, when I was done, that Jerry will be so surprised to see how clean the bench is.
Tomorrow morning a library volunteer is supposed to come by and pick up books. I hope he'll take all of them, but some are probably of questionable quality for a "Friends of the Library" book sale. When I asked him about quality, he said "Well, would you buy it? That's how I decide." I have no idea. Considering some of these books are things like Molière and Corneille in French and a Russian-to-French medical dictionary, I'm not sure anyone is going to want them no matter what condition they're in.
I spoke to one of the guys from the contractor today when he stopped by the shop: he'll come to the house on Friday. I've been making a list of things that need doing - at least, the things I've noticed so far. Maybe he'll see other things as well.
So I'm getting things done. Today I cleaned off my bench at work for the first time in, well, forever. Threw out old Post-it Notes (Jerry would write the name of each job on a Post-it and stick it on top of the pile of parts he was giving me to finish, and the Post-its usually ended up on the bench for no good reason), used-up sandpaper, organized edging sticks and wax sticks and markers, swept off years' worth of sanding dust. And thought, when I was done, that Jerry will be so surprised to see how clean the bench is.
JME at LIRR
Jerry at the Ronkonkoma LIRR Station on 5 May 2005, in the middle of one of our long trips to the city: car to airport parking, parking shuttle to Midway, Southwest Airlines from Midway to Islip, shuttle or cab or Suffolk bus to LIRR, LIRR to Penn Station, subway to the Upper West Side. (Jerry liked to call it "RonkonKOma," which is of course not how it's pronounced, and of course he knew that.)
06 July 2010
JME, Photographer
After photographing foxes in the yard, in the dining room before he'd transformed it into its current beautiful state, April 2009
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