I'm not 50 yet, but I'm mighty close to it. That's a half a century - makes a girl think. (Extra points if you can tell me where I paraphrased that from, but I'll give y'all an enormous hint and point out that Sunday was 50 years since the death of Marilyn Monroe.)
Accomplishments, lately: sticking with Weight Watchers online, I've stopped the bingeing and lost 11 pounds since mid-May. It feels really good to have that under control, although walking down the snack aisle at the grocery store is still a struggle (answer: So don't walk down the snack aisle. Clearly).
The yard: I finally had landscapers show up and whip my yard into shape, so my plan to list the house after my parents' visit next week is still on track. (I could have done without the main landscaper guy talking about his lack of a sex life with his wife - and I was so totally foggy and out of it that I didn't even realize until afterwards how totally inappropriate that was, and what his point probably was. I have GOT to get my brain in gear: how could I have missed the turn the conversation took and not immediately put a stop to it? Instead I'm going, "Oh, I'm sorry, have you talked to her about it?" D'OH! I'm not firing him, but he's not coming into the house to pick up a check next time he's here to do maintenance. I need to be much more aware of things than I seem to be. But it just never occurred to me that some random guy I'd never seen before a few days previous, and had had hardly any interaction with, would march into my kitchen and hit on me... by lamenting his supposedly sexless marriage. It was so far from any thought I might have that I didn't even hear it as it was happening.)
Copy editing coursework continues. The grammar review course I've been taking is less than strenuous, but it ends tonight. All I've got left to do is one more copy editing course after the "intermediate" course I'm doing now, plus one "elective," which, if I can swing it, will be on InDesign, which seems to be the most popular program for copy editors, based on what I've seen of job listings.
And the anxiety dreams continue: Jerry is alive, Jerry is tattooed with some sort of strange markings on his chest to point out where the radiation should be aimed for the cancer that's spread to his lungs, Jerry loses his grip on a briefcase I'm handing him and someone steals it, along with my cellphone. I can't find the right train, bus, car. Josh Holloway is interested in me (that last bit, I can't figure out at all, but, well, yum). And at 3 a.m. yesterday, I awoke from a dream that I was moving over in bed to hug Jerry, and in that brief second before I realized the difference between dreams and real life, I actually physically moved towards where he should have been. Except I'm still sleeping on his side of the bed, with a big ol' body pillow and a couple of plush Benny the Bulls and a tiger "pillow" I've decreed is Aubie on my side to take up space. So I had the sensation of falling off the edge of the bed and ended up with my pulse racing and it took a while to fall back to sleep.
So there's that.
You certainly have a lot going on right now. I hope that you are able to dedicate just one night to relaxing and doing nothing but relaxing. I know, I know, easier said than done. But, you deserve it!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the weight loss! Sounds like you are on your way....
ReplyDeleteBy now that birthday and a visit with your parents have probably occurred. I hope you enjoyed both.
Have you now renewed preparations to place your home on the market? How is this coming along?
This week I learned my buyers received their mortgage commitment so now decisions must be made on where I will go; the real packing and dismantling begins.
Not easy finally dismantling a place filled with a lifetime of memories and belongings.
It's hard! Making room for new experiences remains scary, exciting and bittersweet. A physical move to a different life--one where my spouse never lived or shared--still seems impossible at times, yet it will happen.
Most importantly as I do this I am thankful my spouse was in my life. He will forever be in my heart.
I figure nothing worse can happen than what has already happened. Having been loved well I think gives us strength.
Virtual hugs come your way as you continue your journey.
Hope you are doing well and your house preparation is coming along. Not easy I know. Each effort to downsize calls forth a memory.
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts come your way.
In a few days it will be September 2012. Can you believe so much time has passed? With the season changes I feel time is passing so quickly--time my late spouse never had, changes he never could see.
The missing continues. How I wish he were here. I imagine it is the same for you and for all who have lost a spouse.
Moving is another goodbye. Sometimes it still seems impossible to fathom that all this has happened.
But it has and I think also I am different now; I am stronger. My guess is you are too and have done things you never did before.
New York is calling.
Do you know when you will answer?
Good thoughts come your way.
September is here. How are you?
ReplyDelete